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Deagle Boltface Patches On Sale Now!

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101060 No. 101060 ID: 1fb1a6
Local news stories that lack significance outside their stagnant little backwaters go here.
496 posts omitted. Last 50 shown. Expand all images
>> No. 115851 ID: d4c8ee

>Police say a man who shoplifted from a convenience store in the downtown core broke his arms and legs after he fell 30 feet while attempting to flee from store staff.

>According to investigators, shortly before 10 p.m. Wednesday, a man stole lottery tickets from Rabba near Blue Jays Way and Front Street. When the store employees noticed the theft, police say they gave chase.

>While attempting to flee, the suspect tried to jump over the railing of a pedestrian bridge near the Rogers Centre but misjudged the height of the bridge and fell 30 feet.

>The man, who is believed to be in his late 20s, was taken to hospital with broken arms and legs but is expected to survive.

>When employees learned about the suspect's injuries, they decided not to press charges, police added.
>> No. 115862 ID: f11f4d
Montreal police are cracking down on combat sports like Brazilian jiu-jitsu and kickboxing, despite organizers insisting the sports are legal.

The Canadian Brazilian jiu-jitsu championship was postponed Sunday after Montreal police threatened to arrest participants. Police say the event violates a section of Canadian law that forbids sports containing strikes and kicks. The Canada Pro Jiu-Jitsu Championships was organised by the UAE Jiu-Jitsu Federation and the International Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Federation, and was supposed to feature more than 200 competitors from around the world. Organisers say police contacted them Friday to convey that event was illegal, and that any participant could be arrested. They've rescheduled the event for 5 March, at another, undisclosed, venue.

The championship has been held in Montreal for nine years, said Guy Mondreuil, who runs a Brazilian jiu-jitsu studio in Quebec City. This is the first time he has heard of police cracking down on a Brazilian jiu-jitsu event. "I don't know what's going on," Mr Mondreuil told the BBC. "It's not a good thing." Montreal police also cancelled a separate kickboxing event scheduled for the same day.

Organisers of the Canadian championship say Brazilian jiu-jitsu does not involve strikes with the hand, fists or feet, which are illegal in Canada. A spokesperson from Montreal's police force, Service de Police de la Ville de Montreal (SPVM) told the BBC that police received a complaint about both events, and were legally required to shut them down. According to section 83 of the Criminal Code of Canada, sports that contain "an encounter or fight with fists, hands or feet" are illegal, unless they are part of the International Olympic Committee programme. Neither kickboxing nor Brazilian jiu-jitsu are part of the Olympics.

But Albertho Mercedat, an organiser of the kickboxing event, says kickboxing is legal in Quebec, and the police have it wrong. "The SPVM continues to claim arbitrarily that kick-boxing is an illegal combat sport on its territory," , he wrote on Facebook, He said the event will be rescheduled for later in July, an that he is "convinced that the SPVM will positively change its position soon." The law banning combat sports outside the IOC was updated in 2013 to also allow provinces to regulate sports themselves, which paved the way for amateur mixed-martial arts (MMA) tournaments and Ultimate Fighting Championship events, ncluding in Quebec.

Organisers of the Canadian Brazilian jiu-jitsu championship say Brazilian jiu-jitsu should not be affected by section 83 at all, because it does not feature strikes by hands, fist, or feet. Instead, Brazilian jiu-jitsu focuses on grappling and ground fighting, where practitioners try and place their opponents in choke or joint holds. They say police may be confusing their sport with the Japanese form of jiu-jitsu, which does include strikes.
>> No. 116266 ID: b70387
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Also, United CEO is a moron, worsens PR situation significantly

>"When you go onto a United flight, you shouldn’t have to be concerned there will be blood or you will get slammed in the face," Schiffer said. "I think you will see an effect on sales from those who are disgusted by the gruesome action. And it’s catastrophic for a brand’s trust."
>> No. 116285 ID: b346d2
Good news is he'll also be able to sue a bunch of media outlets for libel after they incorrectly identified him as another doctor who'd had his medical license suspended.

Also another guy got kicked off a flight and threatened with arrest after he had already been seated and served a drink.
>Fearns needed to return early so he paid about $1,000 for a full-fare, first-class ticket to Los Angeles. He boarded the aircraft at Lihue Airport on the island of Kauai, took his seat and enjoyed a complimentary glass of orange juice while awaiting takeoff.

>Then, as Fearns tells it, a United employee rushed onto the aircraft and informed him that he had to get off the plane.

>“I asked why,” he told me. “They said the flight was overfull.”

>Fearns, like the doctor at the center of that viral video from Sunday night, held his ground. He was already on the plane, already seated. He shouldn’t have to disembark.

>“That’s when they told me they needed the seat for somebody more important who came at the last minute,” Fearns said. “They said they have a priority list and this other person was higher on the list than me.”

>“I understand you might bump people because a flight is full,” Fearns said. “But they didn’t say anything at the gate. I was already in the seat. And now they were telling me I had no choice. They said they’d put me in cuffs if they had to.”
>> No. 116337 ID: f11f4d
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A doctor at a fertility clinic in the Mississippi capital of Jackson has made a startling revelation concerning a couple who sought treatment at the center. The married pair, who cannot be named to due to patient confidentiality restrictions, had been struggling to conceive and came to the clinic to take part in the IVF program.
“During the in vitro fertilization process, we take a DNA sample from both the male and female to get a profile of their genetic backgrounds,” the doctor involved told Mississippi Herald, whose name must also be suppressed to protect the identities of the patients.

“It’s just a routine thing, and we wouldn’t normally check to see if there was a relationship between the two samples, but in this case the lab assistant involved was shocked by the similarity of each profile.” The lab assistant summoned the doctor, who knew almost instantly that the patients must have been related. “My first reaction was that they must have been less-closely related; perhaps they were first cousins, which does happen sometimes. However, looking closer at the samples, I noticed there were way too many similarities.” The doctor consulted the patient’s files, and noted with shock that both had the exact same birth dates listed in 1984. “With this in mind, I was convinced that both patients were fraternal twins.”

The doctor now had a dilemma on his hands: did the married couple already know that they were twins, and had yet still married and now hoped to conceive a child together? Or were they blissfully unaware of the situation. “It was a titillating subject to raise, but I had to discuss it with them,” said the doctor with flushed cheeks and visible perspiration. During their next appointment at the clinic, the doctor did his best to break the news gently. “They burst out laughing when I asked them if they knew they were twins,” he said. “The husband said that a lot of people remarked on the fact that they shared the same birthdays, and looked similar to each other, but he said it was just a funny coincidence and that the couple were definitely not related. The poor man had no idea.”

After the doctor insisted that the DNA evidence proved the pair were twins, the couple started to take him more seriously. “The wife kept pleading with me to admit I was joking, and I wish that I was, but they had to know the truth,” said the doctor. Once the news had sunk in, the doctor tried to establish how the twin brother and sister had unknowingly wed each other. “From what we were able to piece together, the biological parents of the couple had died in a car crash when the couple were infants, and they had no close family willing to adopt them. They’d been taken into state care, and were adopted out to separate families. Due to a filing error, neither foster family had ever been told that their adopted child had a twin.”

The doctor explained that the couple had met during college, and a relationship between the pair soon flourished. “They were attracted to each other due to their similarities,” said the doctor. “The fact that they’d both been adopted, after their parents had died, meant they’d both experienced a similar childhood, and they felt they could really connect with each other. If only they had known the truth, it could have saved them so much pain later on.” For now, the couple are reported to be considering the future of their relationship. “I really hope they can work something out,” said the doctor. “For me, it’s a particularly unusual case because my job is all about helping couples conceive a child. This is the first time my career has been like my japanese animes.”

From a legal standpoint, marriage between siblings in Mississippi is prohibited and subject to a prison term of up to 10 years. However, the maximum fine is only $500, which critics have claimed encourages marriage between siblings or close relatives. In this case, however, it is believed the couple involved will not face charges due to the unique circumstances of their case.
>> No. 116338 ID: aadd02
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JERSEY CITY -- A 40-year-old Hoboken man with a history of using urine as a weapon has been charged with urinating on a Hoboken police officer at police headquarters Wednesday.

Kenny B. Roberts, of the 300 block of Bloomfield Avenue, is charged with throwing bodily fluids at a police officer and hindering apprehension, the criminal complaint says. In October 2015 he was charged with a similar offense after he was picked up on a drug charge.
>> No. 116347 ID: 26f279
>doctor jumps to ridiculous conclusion because he lab report is infallible.

drunk/stoned tech fucked up & contaminated the samples is the story in 99% of these cases. tech never wants to admit they fucked up cause they afraid someone finds out they drink on the job.
>> No. 116354 ID: a0ffab
>“He was becoming very nervous,” Tom DuCharme Jr owner of the Micky D’s, told The Post.

>He confirmed local reports on Monday afternoon, saying he tried to stall the Facebook murder suspect by telling him that his order wasn’t ready yet.

>“It will be a minute for the fries,” DuCharme recalled telling Stevens.

>But the killer was not lovin’ it.

>“No, I can’t wait!” Stephens snapped, according to the owner.

>“I need my nuggets now!” he said.

>Stephens paid for the food, then stepped on the gas and peeled off with just the McNuggets, Ducharme said.
Troopers were in hot pursuit seconds later and caught up with him about 2 miles away.

>He then turned his gun on himself.
>> No. 116377 ID: aadd02
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I like to think he was so despondent about the loss of his french fries that he was driven to suicide.
>> No. 116380 ID: a348f1
  The witness, holy shit.
>> No. 116412 ID: 9dc901

The Macedonian minority in Macedonia is creating a ruckus over the takeover of their country. Guess they didn't get the memo that it's >current year
>> No. 116413 ID: 650c41
Guess Serbia didn't have a chance to stop the Russian terrorists this time.
>> No. 116420 ID: 5e3448
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>A man described as one of the ringleaders in the 2012 theft of $18.7 million worth of maple syrup has been sentenced to eight years in prison, but that term could be extended if he can't pay his multimillion-dollar fine.

>On Friday, a Trois-Rivières, Que., judge handed Richard Vallières his eight-year sentence and fined him nearly $9.4 million.

>If Vallières does not pay the fine, he will have to spend an additional six years behind bars.

>The elaborate maple syrup robbery involved 3,000 tonnes of syrup from a warehouse belonging to the Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers — the regulatory body that controls and manages the syrup trade.

>The heist was discovered when a routine inventory check in July 2012 turned up an empty barrel that was supposed to be full of syrup. Officials with the federation quickly realized that dozens of its barrels contained not syrup, but water.

>The resulting investigation by Quebec provincial police led to the arrests of 26 people.

>Vallières was found guilty of theft, fraud and trafficking stolen goods. During his trial in Quebec Superior Court, he said that he had filled the barrels with water. His lawyer argued he had been coerced to fill the barrels with water by a man who carried a gun.

>But witnesses called by the Crown painted him as one of the ringleaders of the heist.

>Vallières's co-accused, his father Raymond, and a New Brunswick-based syrup reseller, Etienne St-Pierre, have also been found guilty for roles in the robbery.

>All three men are appealing their convictions.

>> No. 116428 ID: e188a9
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>On Monday night, Colgate University officials warned that there was an armed person on campus and advised people to find a safe place. For several hours, the campus remained locked down.

>Everyone was safe. There was no gunman, police later determined. But many students were angry when they learned the reason for the alarm: Someone called Colgate’s Campus Safety when they saw a black student who had a glue gun that he was using for a school project.

>A senior at Colgate described the person who prompted the lockdown as a freshman who “ran fearing for his life having heard that there were reports of an active shooter on campus. … a SWAT team, a tank, and police units from across the area were called in, all because some random person saw a black man with a glue gun and assumed the worst.”
>> No. 116501 ID: aadd02
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A Las Vegas man is facing a first-degree arson charge after two fires were set at a Jewish center on Monday night, authorities said. FBI and Las Vegas police said they were looking at whether the fires represented hate crimes.

Afshin Bahrampour, 47, was arrested on one count of first-degree arson, three counts of third-degree arson and one count of burglary in connection with the fires at the Chabad Jewish Center of Las Vegas and Southern Nevada, 1261 Arville St., near West Charleston Boulevard, according to a Tuesday statement from the Las Vegas Fire Department.
>> No. 116535 ID: b70387
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>Patterson's attorney claims that his client accidentally choked Marquinez during oral sex. To prove it, attorney Ken Padowitz wants a Broward County judge to allow Patterson to show his penis to the jury.


>Padowitz said in a motion filed earlier this month that he intends to call Wright, a former Broward County medical examiner, as an expert witness to testify that Marquinez's death "is consistent with being accidentally sexually asphyxiated during oral sex."
>> No. 116564 ID: b70387
Found not guilty.

Jury never saw his dick, though.
>> No. 116572 ID: b70387
Much more detailed article:

The woman's body was allowed to decompose for two days while the guy tried to figure out what to do, making the detection of bruising around the face and neck impossible. Still, strangulation was found to be unlikely. The defense dropped the death-by-oral-sex theory, though they claimed that's what the guy thought had happened, while she could have died from a heart attack or stroke for all anyone could tell.
>> No. 116576 ID: c3b8cf
>TAMPA, Fla. -- A young man arrested after leading police to the bodies of his two roommates told officers he killed them because they were neo-Nazis who disrespected his recent conversion to Islam.

>The Tampa Police Department says 18-year-old Devon Arthurs told police he had until recently shared his roommates' neo-Nazi beliefs, but that he converted to Islam.

>> No. 116577 ID: d4c8ee
So much for Baathism.

Also another guy was arrested for making explosives, so this is the second neo-Nazi dirty bomb in the past decade.
>The case is related to a double homicide in Tampa, also involving white supremacists, federal agents say.

>FBI and Tampa Police Department officers found a cooler containing a white cake-like substance in Brandon Russell’s garage, underneath his apartment, that tested positive for hexamethane triperoxide diamine, which is a precursor to several different types of explosives. He was arrested by federal agents Sunday on possession of unregistered destructive devices and unlawful storage of explosive charges.

>Inside Russell’s bedroom, they found a framed photograph of Timothy McVeigh, who was convicted and put to death for bombing the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City on April 19, 1995. They also found Nazi/white supremacist propaganda, according to the FBI complaint. While in his bedroom, devices used by police bomb technicians alerted to the presence of radiation sources — thorium and americium.

>Before asking for an attorney, Russel told FBI agents he was a “national socialist,” according to the complaint, and a member of a group called the “Atom Waffen,” or “atomic weapon” in German.

>He said the explosives were manufactured in 2013 for a rocket-making project he was working on for the engineering club at the University of South Florida to send balloons into the atmosphere. But FBI Agent Timothy Swanson wrote in his report that HMTD is “too energetic and volatile for these types of uses.”

>Swanson was notified by the U.S Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives on May 20 that the materials found in Russell’s garage are considered explosives under federal law, and were illegally stored and not registered.
>> No. 116656 ID: bd9907
Russian Mobsters Stealing Chocolate

>More than 30 members and associates of a New York City-based Russian organized crime group are named in federal court papers charging them with racketeering, murder for hire and other crimes, including trafficking tens of thousands of pounds of stolen chocolate, law enforcement sources familiar with the case tell NBC 4 New York.
>> No. 116706 ID: f11f4d
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Germany to destroy 35 tons of fidget spinners imported from China
>Frankfurt airport customs authorities said Friday they confiscated 35 metric tons (39 U.S. tons) of the tiny twirling gadgets in May alone and plan on crushing them out of existence.
>> No. 116767 ID: 11ec4c
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>> No. 116768 ID: ec08de
so much winning.
>> No. 116782 ID: bd9907
The guy that shot up the Comet Ping Pong trying to save all the children from Democratic child rape festivals got four years in prison.
>> No. 116813 ID: f11f4d
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>The passenger was boarding China Southern Airlines flight CZ380, from Shanghai to Guangzhou, when she threw nine coins towards the plane's jet engine. The coin toss was quickly noticed by a fellow passenger, who was able to alert authorities before take-off. The coins, worth about 1.7 yuan altogether, caused 150 passengers to evacuate as the airline conducted a full inspection of the plane's engine.

>Police were called to Shanghai Pudong International Airport and the elderly passenger, who had been travelling with her husband, daughter and son-in-law, was taken away for questioning. They later confirmed the passenger, surnamed Qiu, had thrown the coins "to pray for safety" and they had been informed by a neighbour that she "believes in Buddhism". The plane was finally able to take off safely at 5:52pm local time (7:52pm AEST), more than five hours late.

>China Southern Airlines reminded all passengers to comply with civil aviation laws in a post on social media site Weibo, and to avoid any behaviour that could jeopardise the safety of their fellow passengers.
>> No. 116830 ID: d4c8ee
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>The design is popping up all over the place in St. Petersburg, in places near the old YMCA and the Morean Arts Center.

>At least twenty cases have surfaced in the last several months. The silhouette of three “cheeks,” so to speak, is the featured signature of the anonymous artist.

>“The bottom line is whoever is doing this is destroying property,” St. Petersburg Assistant Police Chief Jim Previterra said. “They are marking up the beautiful downtown area of St. Petersburg.”

>Indeed, St. Pete is a city known for its beautiful art and stunning murals. Many people are upset by this new graffiti involving a tush trend. They don’t like the fact that the bold buttocks are suddenly everywhere.

>“This is not art. At all,” said one woman. “It’s vandalism.”

>“There should be consequences. You can’t just take it upon yourself to do whatever you want to do,” another man said.

>The assistant police chief describes it as an “eyesore.”

>“It’s causing the city to have to go around behind who this is and clean up,” he said. “And, we have to dedicate more resources to it.”

>In the end, the mystery man or woman who is showcasing these backsides will most likely get a front row seat in a court room

>“It’s illegal,” Assistant Chief Previterra said. “In the end, everyone gets their day.”
>> No. 116839 ID: 752ee0

>...avoid any behaviour that could jeopardise the safety of their fellow passengers.

Like flying in a Chinese aircraft?
>> No. 116894 ID: d4c8ee
Nah the Indian airlines are the ones you've gotta watch out for.
>> No. 116895 ID: d4c8ee
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Australian police shoot man dressed as The Joker at a swingers club while he was having sex with woman dressed as Harley Quinn.
>The man, dressed as Batman character the Joker, and a woman in a Harley Quinn costume popularised by the movie Suicide Squad, were shot by police at Inflation nightclub on King Street at 3.41am on Saturday.

>The man was taken to the Royal Melbourne Hospital in a critical condition, but was stabilised later.

>The woman, who was shot in the leg by police, was taken to The Alfred hospital with non-life-threatening injuries.

>Inflation owner Martha Tsamis​, who has been locked in several battles with police over the years, said that security had not been approached by any concerned patrons prior to the raid. It is unknown who informed police about the gun.

>"Venue staff have stated that the male victim was not holding anything in his hand but rather he was in a compromising position with his female partner, which is a normal activity with the nature of this event," she wrote in a statement on Facebook.
>> No. 116902 ID: 13f512
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A battle is brewing at Western Michigan University this summer between a group of hungry goats and a labor union.

The 400-member American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees has filed a grievance contending that the work the goats are doing in a wooded lot is taking away jobs from laid-off union workers.

A spokeswoman said the university had brought in a crew of the nimble-footed ruminants “to clear undergrowth in a woodlot, much of it poison ivy and other vegetation that is a problem for humans to remove….Not wanting to use chemicals, either, we chose the goat solution to stay environmentally friendly.”

The goats are already ahead of schedule in their task of clearing 15 acres before the fall semester – unless the National Labor Relations Board gets mad and decides to charge in.
>> No. 116917 ID: aadd02
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Asleep in the mountains northwest of Boulder, Colo., a teenage camp counselor was awakened Sunday morning by a loud crunching sound.

The noise was the sound of large teeth scraping against his skull, he told Denver ABC-affiliate KMGH. A black bear, the teen realized, was trying to pull him out of his sleeping bag by his head.

“It grabbed me like this and pulled me, and then it bit the back of my head and dragged me,” the teen, identified only by his first name, Dylan, told KMGH. “When it was dragging me, that was the slowest part. It felt like it went forever.”

Fellow staffers and campers were roused by the commotion and tried to scare the bear away as Dylan fought back. The bear dragged Dylan about 10 feet, then dropped him and walked away.

Dylan was taken to the hospital. His injuries weren’t life threatening. Authorities are searching for the bear, which will likely be euthanized, according to the Associated Press.
>> No. 116956 ID: 04ff43
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>A Springfield mother is accused of endangering her two children by towing them in a little red plastic wagon behind her car around a roundabout repeatedly Wednesday evening.

>Alana Nicole Donahue, 27, was arrested shortly before 8:30 p.m., less than an hour after Springfield police received calls from concerned motorists.

>According to Lt. Scott McKee, Donahue told police she “didn’t understand what the problem was because she was only driving 5 mph and she just wanted to show the kids a good time.”

>Donahue was not intoxicated, according to McKee.

>According to the logs, several drivers stopped their cars and confronted the mother, who then tried to drive away. She eventually stopped and put the wagon inside the Taurus and allegedly told one driver to “be an adult about it,” the logs state.
>> No. 117041 ID: f11f4d
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>Authorities in Arkansas have arrested three men from Georgia in connection with a disturbing video involving a deer being beaten with a textbook.
>> No. 117047 ID: 7a03d6
> TheTruePriceOfACollegeEducationInAmerica.webm
>> No. 117211 ID: f11f4d
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>> No. 117232 ID: 2bf7e2
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Turns out if you feed somebody the right drugs they think they're a moth.
>Pershing County Sheriff Jerry Allen says the man ran through a human-chain of security officers at about 10:30 p.m. Saturday during the Man Burn event at the counter-culture festival.

>The sheriff says the man was rescued by firefighters and later died at the UC Davis hospital burn center in California.
>> No. 117269 ID: f11f4d
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>> No. 117319 ID: c3b8cf
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Colorado Springs cops are hunting a woman dubbed “the Mad Pooper,” who’s been caught defecating in front of houses for weeks.

>> No. 117337 ID: 01ee61
>> No. 117342 ID: df12a0

when you gotta go, you gotta go.
...and then you've really gotta go, after you've gone on someone's property.
>> No. 117343 ID: f11f4d
>Antigun singer now in hospital after two giant guns fall on him
>> No. 117344 ID: df12a0

Oh, sure, blame the guns and not the stagehands...
>> No. 117397 ID: 241b9d

He was antigun?
>> No. 117440 ID: 579c4e
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>Marian Morreale practiced how to stand for the last three months. She is a 94-year-old World War II veteran and her left leg was amputated last year.

>But she practiced standing so that she could when the national anthem was sung at the opening game of the Sabres tonight.

>She wanted to make a point.

>"I think for these young athletes and the salaries they make, they should stand for the national anthem," she said. "But I don't think our president should use that word, SOB."
>> No. 117461 ID: f11f4d
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Last time I briefly looked into it I got the impression that he's not strictly antigun so much as he has this strawman perception of gun owners that he regularly mocks and denounces.
He's always been a very nuanced sort of retarded

In comparison, here's full retarded:
Rick And Morty Fans Riot At McDonald’s Because There’s No Szechuan Sauce
>> No. 117467 ID: 85023b
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>> No. 117470 ID: df12a0
File 150777590555.jpg - (10.24KB , 200x123 , mfw.jpg )
>Orbach spends her days researching how various species' penises & vaginas interact
>> No. 117491 ID: cce514
>A young girl was playing with family members at an ice cream shop in Alabama -- when she suddenly fell into a six-foot-deep grease pit and drowned, the Opelika-Auburn News reported Saturday.

>The 3-year-old girl’s body was pulled Saturday from the in-ground container used to trap cooking grease at Brewster’s Real Ice Cream in Auburn, the newspaper added.

>“Video evidence from the scene shows that the young girl was playing with two of her siblings when she apparently fell through a lid covering one of the grease pits on the property,” Lee County Coroner Bill Harris said in a release.

>“She had been missing about 5-10 minutes when she was found unresponsive in the grease trap,” the coroner said.

>The girl was taken to a hospital where she was declared dead Saturday afternoon, according to the release. It said that her death is considered an accidental drowning.

>“No foul play is suspected and the death investigation indicates that she drowned in the sludge that was in the six-foot-deep inground container,” according to Harris.
>> No. 117492 ID: c3b8cf
>The Cameron County District Attorney’s Office has beef with one Juvenile Justice Department employee, alleging he stole $1.2 million worth of fajitas during the past nine years.

>The Cameron County Juvenile Justice Department does not serve fajitas.

>“If it wasn’t so serious, you’d think it was a Saturday Night Live skit. But this is the real thing,” District Attorney Luis V. Saenz said.

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