Just saw this on 4chan's /k/ (I lurk. So sue me).

"What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you worthless heretic? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Space Marines, and I've led an incomprehensible number of secret raids against the forces of chaos, and I have over 30 million confirmed purgings. I am trained in armored warfare and I'm the top Ultramarine in all the Space Marine Chapters. You are nothing to me but just another heretic. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in this universe, mark my fucking words.

You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Warp? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the galaxy and your powers are being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bolter.

"Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Adeptus Mechanicus and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the planet, you little shit. If only you could have known what holy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot."

What in Davy Jones' locker did ye just bark at me, ye scurvy bilgerat? I'll have ye know I be the meanest cutthroat on the seven seas, and I've led numerous raids on fishing villages, and raped over 300 wenches. I be trained in hit-and-run pillaging and be the deadliest with a pistol of all the captains on the high seas. Ye be nothing to me but another source o' swag. I'll have yer guts for garters and keel haul ye like never been done before, hear me true.

You think ye can hide behind your newfangled computing device? Think twice on that, scallywag. As we parley I be contacting my secret network o' pirates across the sea and yer port is being tracked right now so ye better prepare for the typhoon, weevil. The kind o' monsoon that'll wipe ye off the map. You're sharkbait, fool. I can sail anywhere, in any waters, and can kill ye in o'er seven hundred ways, and that be just with me hook and fist.

Not only do I be top o' the line with a cutlass, but I have an entire pirate fleet at my beck and call and I'll damned sure use it all to wipe yer arse off o' the world, ye dog. If only ye had had the foresight to know what devilish wrath your jibe was about to incur, ye might have belayed the comment. But ye couldn't, ye didn't, and now ye'll pay the ultimate toll, you buffoon. I'll shit fury all over ye and ye'll drown in the depths o' it. You're fish food now, lad.

>>116
The whole guerilla-gorilla thing?

Genius.

What outcry have you uttered about my person, you oafish brute? I shall cordially remind you that I was the best scholar in my law class in Oxford, and I have been involved in several frivolous tea parties and courtroom disputes, and I have over 300 boxes of Earl Gray. I am proficient in the Simian school of diplomacy and I am the top linguist in my book club. Know that you resemble nothing in my eyes save for yet another uncultured mind. I will hasten your undisputed expiritation of the world with grace and finesse. The thought that you can retreat after jesting of such matters over the internet is laughable. As of this moment, I am telephoning a mutual friend to negotiate a swift and sure rebuttal to your argument so I would implore you to prepare yourself for the upcoming verbal deluge. The deluge that will no doubt saturate your life with discomfort. You are well and truly wrong, my good sir. My abilities of travel are unmatched, and I can recite over 700 lines from Shakespeare, and that is just from Hamlet. The amount of knowledge that I have acrued is vast, and I shall use it to firmly state my authority on such matters, you rapscallion. Truly, I wished you had some semblance of knowledge on the matter you have brought up and it's repercussions. Alas, you did not, and now you will suffer a fate most dire, you plebian. I shall defecate concentrated dislike upon you and you shall struggle to survive in it's waters. Pistols at dawn, old boy.

That awesome copypasta was written by one of our own? Kickass.

By the Old Gods and the New, what did you fucking say about me, you little imp? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Kingsguard, I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids Beyond the Wall and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in jousting and I’m the top archer in the Seven Kingdoms. You’re as useful as nipples on a breastplate. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in Westeros, my words are hardly wind. You think you can get away with sending messages like that to me with a raven? Think again, bastard. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of Faceless Men across Westeros and your holdfast is being scouted right now, you just woke the Dragon, bastard. The Dragon that burns up this pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, imp. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire Night’s Watch and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the Seven Kingdoms, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” jape was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t you didn’t, and now you’re paying your debts, you witless fool. I will sacrifice you to the Drowned Gods. You’re fucking dead, bastard.

>>275

any of you have the rasta version of this?

>>273
Best.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you puta pequeno? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in Los Zetas, and I’ve been involved in numerous executions on the Sinaloas, and I have over 300 public beheadings. I am trained in chainsaw warfare and I’m the top decapitator in all of Juarez. You are nothing to me but just another head waiting to be severed. I will detatch it with a lack of precision and cutting force the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, gringo. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of mariachi bands across the USA and a narcocorrido is being written about you right now so you better prepare for the chainsaw, gordo. The chainsaw that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your head. You’re fucking dead, paco. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in exactly one way, and that’s with my brand new Husqvarna 440 chainsaw. Not only am I extensively trained in chainsaw combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the local hardware store and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable head off the face of the body, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over your head and your head will come off in it. You’re fucking dead, gringo.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little goyim? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the
Harvard, and I've been involved in numerous secret pyramid schemes in the USA, and I have over 300 million dollars.
I am trained in economics and I'm the top jew in the entire society of intellectual hebrews. You are nothing to me but just
another customer. I will bankrupt you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this
Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again,
fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of bankers across the USA and your bank account is being drained
right now so you better prepare for the eviction, maggot. The eviction that kicks out the pathetic little thing you call
your ass. You're fucking broke, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can extort money from you in over seven hundred ways,
and that's just with my holocaust stories. Not only am I extensively trained in ripping you off, but I have access to the
entire arsenal of the JIDF and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable trolling off the face of the
continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to
bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking goyim tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're
paying the unreasonable price of 10% above market value, you goddamn idiot. I will overprice items all around you and you
will drown in them. Oy vey, kiddo.

What the say? Did you just say fuck me about? You bitching a little? I’ll have you graduate I know top of my Seals in the Navy Classes, and I’ve been raided in numerous Al Quaeda secret involvements, and I have killed over 300 confirmations. I am a trained gorilla. In warfare, I’m the sniper arm in the entire US force tops. You are targeting me but I’m just another nothing. I will fuck you with precision the wipes of which has never been liked before on this scene. Earth, fuck my marking words. You can get away with thinking that shit over me to the Internet? Fuck again, thinker. As we spy I am networking my secret speaking across the trace and your IP is being prepared right now so you better storm the maggots. The wipes that storms out of the pathetic little thing. You call your life? You’re fucking dead kids. I can be any time. I can weigh you in over seven hundred kills, and that’s my bear hands. Not only am I extensively accessed by trains, but I have no arms for combatting the entire arsenal United Stat
es, and I will use it to to wipe your miserable ass. You shit the faceoff of the continent. If only you could have commented what unholy cleverness your little “retribution” was about. To bring down upon you, maybe you would have fucked your tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re holding the pay, you goddamn idiot. I will drown in shit fury. Sincerely, Your dead fucking kiddo.

What the hell did you just fucking say, heretic scum? I'll have you know I was brainwashed the best among the group of stalkers I was captured with, and I have over 300 confirmed kills of non-believers wishing to get to get past Pripyat. I am trained in hunting dissidents, and I'm the top sniper in my entire brotherhood. You are nothing to me but just another agitator of the great Monolith. I will cleanse you with the holy power bestowed upon me the likes of which has never been seen before in this Zone, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with your blasphemy outside of Monolith territory? Think again, heretic. As we speak I am praying to the great Monolith. Your PDAs are being traced right now, so you had better prepare for the blowout, pagan. The blowout will cleanse the Zone of its intruders and non-believers. You will die, stalker. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my Gauss rifle. Not only am I extensively trained in close combat, but I channel the powers of the great Monolith and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your pathetic soul off the face of the zone, you heretic. If only you could have known what suffering and strife your blasphemy was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your artifacts in their containers and not in your hand. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you will be purged for your actions. Bullets from the glorious Monolith will rain down from the skies on your pathetic, empty skull. You shall be cleansed, stalker.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about Emus, birdo? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Royal Australian Artillery, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids against Emus, the largest native bird in goddamned Australia, and I have over 20,000 confirmed kills. I am trained in flightless-bird warfare and I’m the top machine-gunner in the entire Australian Army. You are nothing to me but just another Emu. I will gun the crap out of you with the precision of a machine-gunners' blank firing into masses of Emus, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, birdy. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of farmers across Western Australia and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the shitstorm, maggot. The same shitstorm that wiped what you call an Emu. You’re fucking dead Big Bird. I could be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you with just 10 rounds, and that’s just with gunfire. Not only am I extensively trained in armed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Australian Defence Force and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable flock off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known that mass extinction was the result of your little “clever” comment, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn bird brain. I will shit bullets all over you and you will die from it. You’re fucking dead, birdo.

What in the Lord's name hast thou accused me of, you mangy cur? I take it upon myself to inform thee I completed mine service as a Crusader in a position of leadership, and personally spited at the very least three-hundred moslems upon my lance alone. I was taught powerful forms of combat in strange lands beyond Egypt by immensely hairy blacks and I be the greatest knight in all of Britannia! Thou art nothing to me but another knave to be stuck down. I shall remove thee from the King's lands with skill none hath ever witnessed in all of God's creation, mark my blasted words. Thou believe you may escape unharmed after uttering such vile phrases to me via magical pigeon? Ye may wish to rethink, oaf. As we converse, I am calling upon my network of allies all across Britain, and your coat of arms is being delivered to me at this very moment, so it would be best for your continued survival if you prepared for the firestorm to be delivered to your doorstep, worm. The sort of firestorm that would decimate the insignificant, worthless thing thee refers to as your life. Thou art as dead, child. I am capable of relocating mineself anywhere, anytime, and I am well versed in more than seven hundred different forms of killing, and that be with mere fisticuffs. Not only am I gargantuanly trained in such modes of combat, but I additionally am permmitted access to the entirety of our liege the King's armies and am sure to make full use of it to remove your stain upon our great nation, thou filthy pig. If only thee had the sense to fathom what hellfire thine witty remark would surely bring upon you, and now thee will feel the retribution, you damnable fool. I will deficate divine fury upon you and thou will drown in it. Ye be doomed, peasant.

Good job OP!
https://twitter.com/Reddit_txt/status/297166409430073344
>Today I fucked up by sending the "Internet Tough Guy Copypasta" to someone who called the police.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2013/feb/03/sniper-chris-kyle-shot-dead this guy was the top sniper on the navy seals and had like 300 confirmed kills and he was murdered recently

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you filthy cop? I’ll have you know I'm a former Navy Intelligence officer who was fired by the LAPD for upholding justice, and I’ve been involved in numerous police shootings since earlier this week, and I have over 3 confirmed kills. I am trained in unconventional and asymmetric warfare and I’m the top Rambo in the entire tri-state area. You are nothing to me but just another dishonest police officer. I will wipe every LAPD officer out and bring you to such justice with Use of Force the likes of which has never been seen within the ranks of the LAPD, mark my words, scum. You think you can get away with kicking that poor, defenseless person, and discharging me for reporting it? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am running through the woods with a satchel full of RDX and my Barret M82 rifle, with my Surface to Air Missiles shortly ahead, so prepare for the Situation. The Situation that will be resolved, effective immediately. Your whole supposed police keeping operation is over, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my dick. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the majority of critical Naval defense information with my TS/SCI clearance and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable department off the face of California, you dirty peace officer. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” actions were about to bring down upon you, maybe you wouldn't have fired me. But you drew First Blood, and now you’re paying the price, LAPD. I will shit revenge all over you and you will drown in it until my name is restored. It's over-because I'm right behind you.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little kufar? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the al-Qassam brigades, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on IDF, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in jewish gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the Gaza strip. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words insha'allah. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the West Bank and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, Jewboy. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, Zionist scum. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my keffiyeh. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Gaza strip tunnel system and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the Levant, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your Jewish “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn Jew. I will shit fury and Qassam rockets all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, occupying kiddo.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about us, you white, privileged cishet male? We’ll have you know we graduated top of our class in feminist gender studies, and we’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on the patriarchy, and we have over 300 confirmed privileges checked. We are trained in otherkin-ology, and we’re the top social justice warrior in the entire US social justice army. You are nothing to us but just another trans-misogynistic oppressor. We will dox you with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark our fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that oppressive, triggering shit to us over the Internet? Check your privilege, fucker. As we speak, we are contacting our secret network of allies across the world, and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot (Not that there's anything wrong with anyone who self-identifies as a maggot. Check your privilege. Again). The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your fee-fees. You’re fucking dead, kid (Not that there's anything wrong with anyone who self-identifies as a kid. Check your non-goat-identifying privilege). We can be anywhere, anytime, and we can blog about you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with two of our headmates. If only you could have known what retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. We will shit activism all over you and you will drown in it. Die cis scum.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about my cooking, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Culinary Institute of America, and I've been involved in numerous iron chef challenges, and I have over 300 confirmed recipes for Creme fraiche. I am trained in Habachi and I'm the top cook at my local Japanese Steak House. You are nothing to me but just a poorly trained cashier. I will feed you with culinary skills the likes of which have never been seen before on this Earth,? mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with serving cold fries to me over at McDonalds? Think again, chef. As we cook, I am contacting my secret network of bakers across the US and your ingredient sources are being traced right now. So you better prepare for the repossesing, maggot. The repossesing that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your kitchen. You're fucking smoked, kid. I can cook anything, anytime and dice you in over 700 ways, and that's just with my spatula. Not only am I extensively trained in ragu alla bolognese, but I have access to the entire spices of the United States Starbucks Corps. And I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable dish of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your extra "spicy" dal makhini was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would've held your fucking spoon. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're wasting the chickpea, you goddamn idiot. I will frost cupcakes all over you, and you will drown in it. You're fucking smoked, kiddo.

So who did this?

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0rjSuXwC2JN