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File 16414307947.jpg - (381.17KB , 1024x768 , gettyimages-1207130679-1024x1024.jpg )
113861 No. 113861 ID: bebb2b
I hope that all of you are well. I have been occupied with therapy and attempting to be a better person. I am sorry for degrading the quality of the discord by being a being a terrible person and for abruptly leaving. I do not have access to the internet, I am using my brothers computer so I do not believe that I will be able to respond to any replies.

I hope all of you have had a wonderful holiday season.
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>> No. 113868 ID: ddbbfc
Hope therapy is going well and you can return at some point, the discord is diminished by your absence.
>> No. 113869 ID: 5d4aa3
Can't degrade the quality of what's already shite.

Come and go as you please, magic racoon, welcome whenever, best of luck always on your struggles.
>> No. 113870 ID: 939edd
nah you were pretty cool hope you get what you want out of therapy
>> No. 113877 ID: 1d6782
Hopefully everything goes well. At least you are out of the cold.
>> No. 113879 ID: 4b739e
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113879
>>113861
Hey, Artemis, it's Karoda. I hope you're doing well. My email is superfish0012@gmail.com. Email me some time if you get the chance.
>> No. 113882 ID: 2548dd
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113882
Thank you all for the well wishes. I am not left unsupervised for any length of time nor do I have access to the internet or a computer so I am unable to converse regularly. I am not happy with therapy and the changes in my life although I am trying to comply with what my doctor and brother wish of me. I feel more isolated and lonely than when I was by myself. I genuinely miss talking to all of you even Cannibal Cain.

I again apologize for my actions, in retrospect I was not a kind and tolerant person, it was unchristian of me to act such as I did
>>113879
Thank you, but I do not have the time to sit and Converse over email or the opportunity. I am not allowed on the internet and I am heavily supervised, finding a moment where I am left unattended and the computer is logged on at the same time is rare. I can not leave traces of my activity or I will be questioned. I will attempt to create an account at a later date if possible. Thank you for everything.
>> No. 113884 ID: 1c926d
>>113882
It’s Valmet - Glad you’re okay. We regularly shit on Cain in your memory.
>> No. 113885 ID: 503e45
>>113882
Just glad to hear you're okay. Take as much time as you need, we'll all be here waiting.
>> No. 113886 ID: 49369d
>>113882
A side note again. If you're comfortable with it and your brother's okay with it, I'd be happy to write letters back and forth. Just something to keep in mind.
>> No. 113889 ID: 57d9bf
>>113882
Kill yourself retard
>> No. 113897 ID: d2ed37
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113897
>>113884
I would prefer if you did not do that. He can not help being a reprobate. I pray for him.
>>113885
Thank you for the concern. It has been very hard dealing with my issues and I have not been very successful. They tell me that it is an ongoing process, and I should not be discouraged due to setbacks or from a lack of progress. I dislike the therapy, being in a city, and being a burden. My brother does more than I am comfortable with, he tries to help me, his girlfriend even tolerates me to a small degree, it makes me feel shamed to resent him and my lack of personal freedom even though I understand that it is my own fault. I understand that I am untrustworthy in regards to my convalescent.

He does not think that I should have contact with any of you and that is my fault due to my own poor behavior and because it is thought that I should make relationships with flesh and blood humans. If I could I would dearly love to exchange correspondence with you, I miss the talks we had and I apologize for my poor conversation skills. Please do not think poorly of my brother, it is due to my own actions that I am restricted. I am sorry to say that you would not be proud of me, I am sorry
>>113889
I am sorry that I have bothered you, it was not my intent.
>> No. 113898 ID: d2ed37
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113898
>>113884
I would prefer if you did not do that. He can not help being a reprobate. I pray for him.
>>113885
Thank you for the concern. It has been very hard dealing with my issues and I have not been very successful. They tell me that it is an ongoing process, and I should not be discouraged due to setbacks or from a lack of progress. I dislike the therapy, being in a city, and being a burden. My brother does more than I am comfortable with, he tries to help me, his girlfriend even tolerates me to a small degree, it makes me feel shamed to resent him and my lack of personal freedom even though I understand that it is my own fault. I understand that I am untrustworthy in regards to my convalescent.

He does not think that I should have contact with any of you and that is my fault due to my own poor behavior and because it is thought that I should make relationships with flesh and blood humans. If I could I would dearly love to exchange correspondence with you, I miss the talks we had and I apologize for my poor conversation skills. Please do not think poorly of my brother, it is due to my own actions that I am restricted. I am sorry to say that you would not be proud of me, I am sorry
>>113889
I am sorry that I have bothered you, it was not my intent.
>> No. 113900 ID: 1d6782
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113900
>>113897
>>113898

Don't worry. The admonishment of Cain is reserved for when he is being disgustingly narcissistic. He's getting a little bit better, but I fear he doesn't quite understand he is being self destructive in both directions.

As for therapy, what is your therapy for? Your brother controlling your communications sounds particularly worrisome to me due to past experiences dealing with people within cults... or are you in some sort of psychiatric hold?
>> No. 113901 ID: d445a0
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113901
>>113897
You WILL get better. This is a threat.
>> No. 113905 ID: 41de9d
>>113900
I am glad that he is not being unduly harassed
>As for therapy, what is your therapy for?
I am in therapy in the hope that I will become less socially awkward, more comfortable around men, and for self destructive tendencies
>Your brother controlling your communications sounds particularly worrisome to me due to past experiences dealing with people within cults
It is my own fault as I have said before, I have said things and kept company with people that polite society frowns upon. It does not help that I was caught thinking of suicide. My brother does not trust me, he believes that I am easily influenced, that people are preying on my vulnerability and wish me harm. I can not blame him as I am his responsibility
>or are you in some sort of psychiatric hold?
I am in an outpatient program, it is believed that I will do better with family as I receive treatment.
>>113901
Thank you, I do not deserve it and I do not know if I will get better.


I am sorry that I cannot reply more frequently but I am rarely left unattended around a device connected to the internet. This is as I said, my own fault. I am untrustworthy, feckless, and irresponsible. I am taking the medications they give me, I meet with the psychologist and the therapist and try to articulate what it is that I'm feeling but I am at a loss of words. I try and try, the words slip through my fingers. I can not adequately describe what I feel or why I feel it aside from generalities. I am miserable, I am more lonely than I have ever been, tears come unexpectedly. It feels like I am worse off than when I started, I am told that progress can be slow, that things will improve. It feels pointless. I am sorry for this post, I am rambling.

I wish all of you a good night and a happy Easter.
>> No. 113906 ID: 41de9d
>>113900
I am glad that he is not being unduly harassed
>As for therapy, what is your therapy for?
I am in therapy in the hope that I will become less socially awkward, more comfortable around men, and for self destructive tendencies
>Your brother controlling your communications sounds particularly worrisome to me due to past experiences dealing with people within cults
It is my own fault as I have said before, I have said things and kept company with people that polite society frowns upon. It does not help that I was caught thinking of suicide. My brother does not trust me, he believes that I am easily influenced, that people are preying on my vulnerability and wish me harm. I can not blame him as I am his responsibility
>or are you in some sort of psychiatric hold?
I am in an outpatient program, it is believed that I will do better with family as I receive treatment.
>>113901
Thank you, I do not deserve it and I do not know if I will get better.


I am sorry that I cannot reply more frequently but I am rarely left unattended around a device connected to the internet. This is as I said, my own fault. I am untrustworthy, feckless, and irresponsible. I am taking the medications they give me, I meet with the psychologist and the therapist and try to articulate what it is that I'm feeling but I am at a loss of words. I try and try, the words slip through my fingers. I can not adequately describe what I feel or why I feel it aside from generalities. I am miserable, I am more lonely than I have ever been, tears come unexpectedly. It feels like I am worse off than when I started, I am told that progress can be slow, that things will improve. It feels pointless. I am sorry for this post, I am rambling.

I wish all of you a good night and a happy Easter.
>> No. 113907 ID: 41de9d
>>113900
I am glad that he is not being unduly harassed
>As for therapy, what is your therapy for?
I am in therapy in the hope that I will become less socially awkward, more comfortable around men, and for self destructive tendencies
>Your brother controlling your communications sounds particularly worrisome to me due to past experiences dealing with people within cults
It is my own fault as I have said before, I have said things and kept company with people that polite society frowns upon. It does not help that I was caught thinking of suicide. My brother does not trust me, he believes that I am easily influenced, that people are preying on my vulnerability and wish me harm. I can not blame him as I am his responsibility
>or are you in some sort of psychiatric hold?
I am in an outpatient program, it is believed that I will do better with family as I receive treatment.
>>113901
Thank you, I do not deserve it and I do not know if I will get better.


I am sorry that I cannot reply more frequently but I am rarely left unattended around a device connected to the internet. This is as I said, my own fault. I am untrustworthy, feckless, and irresponsible. I am taking the medications they give me, I meet with the psychologist and the therapist and try to articulate what it is that I'm feeling but I am at a loss of words. I try and try, the words slip through my fingers. I can not adequately describe what I feel or why I feel it aside from generalities. I am miserable, I am more lonely than I have ever been, tears come unexpectedly. It feels like I am worse off than when I started, I am told that progress can be slow, that things will improve. It feels pointless. I am sorry for this post, I am rambling.

I wish all of you a good night and a happy Easter.
>> No. 113908 ID: 41de9d
>>113900
I am glad that he is not being unduly harassed
>As for therapy, what is your therapy for?
I am in therapy in the hope that I will become less socially awkward, more comfortable around men, and for self destructive tendencies
>Your brother controlling your communications sounds particularly worrisome to me due to past experiences dealing with people within cults
It is my own fault as I have said before, I have said things and kept company with people that polite society frowns upon. It does not help that I was caught thinking of suicide. My brother does not trust me, he believes that I am easily influenced, that people are preying on my vulnerability and wish me harm. I can not blame him as I am his responsibility
>or are you in some sort of psychiatric hold?
I am in an outpatient program, it is believed that I will do better with family as I receive treatment.
>>113901
Thank you, I do not deserve it and I do not know if I will get better.


I am sorry that I cannot reply more frequently but I am rarely left unattended around a device connected to the internet. This is as I said, my own fault. I am untrustworthy, feckless, and irresponsible. I am taking the medications they give me, I meet with the psychologist and the therapist and try to articulate what it is that I'm feeling but I am at a loss of words. I try and try, the words slip through my fingers. I can not adequately describe what I feel or why I feel it aside from generalities. I am miserable, I am more lonely than I have ever been, tears come unexpectedly. It feels like I am worse off than when I started, I am told that progress can be slow, that things will improve. It feels pointless. I am sorry for this post, I am rambling.

I wish all of you a good night and a happy Easter.
>> No. 113911 ID: 49369d
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113911
>>113908
Hey, I hope you're feeling well. I wish you a blessed start to the Lenten season and simply want to remind you of my unceasing prayer for you.
>> No. 113914 ID: ddbbfc
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113914
>> No. 113924 ID: efd1bb
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113924
>>113911
>>113914
Thank you for the concern and well wishes. I have been on a spiritual journey and have come to recognize my many faults and personal failings. I have come to understand my situation and how I am to blame for it. I have been an imperfect and impure person and my own personal hell has been tailored for me, having to face my own sins over and over. The greatest of these are murder of the self, both physically and spiritually, and murder through deceit. It is said that those that kill through lies have their jaws nailed shut after their tongues are cut out so the only thing that comes out of their mouths is blood.

It has come to me that if I am not in hell, then I must be in a close approximation and undergoing this is either a test or a punishment given to me from god. I have had difficulty maintaining equanimity when dealing with the therapist appointed to me and the thoughtless perverse words that spew from her mouth. My brother is worse as he has violated his promise of secrecy and trust. Sharing my fears and sins, colluding with her to trap me. Telling her of what was done to me and what I did to myself, I hate both of them though I must pretend not to. I endure therapy that hardens my heart, I endure my brother preaching to me about how I must forgive rapists and myself even though I wish nothing more than to spit in his self serving face.

Do not worry for me, I have preserved myself through contrite prayer and fasting. The one thing afforded to me in great quantities is the time to seek spiritual forgiveness.
>> No. 113933 ID: bef91f
>>113924
It is good to hear from you. All I can do is reassure you of my constant prayers for you. I am currently on a Franciscan retreat. We are in the Catskills. It is very quiet, and the stars are so bright. I think you would love it here, and I honestly hope you get the opportunity some day. They are "hippy-dippy" in the best way possible. God will always be there for you.
>> No. 113942 ID: 7e0394
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113942
>>113933
I am assuming that this is K. I am glad that you are doing well and engaging in wholesome activities with your church group, I wish I was there with you sharing the glory of God, mayhaps showing you how to cook frogs they should be awake by now. I have made substantial progress towards what I deem my parole. I have been prescribed a new set of drugs, Clozapine and Zoloft. I have been told that if I show a marked improvement, follow the therapy program and do not show any poor interactions that would require medical assistance, that I would be granted a modicum of personal autonomy. It was harsh of me to blame my brother for what my stepfather did and for that I am sorry. It is unchristian of me to blame others for things out of their control.

I am excited at the prospect of being able to converse with all you freely. I have been thinking of you

A


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